X + Y = Happily-ever-after?

 Money, status, family...and the works. The definitive parameters for a potential mate – at least in the “arranged marriage” scenario largely prevalent in India. When met, these are believed to be THE formula to ensure a successful “happily ever-after”.

Not as I see it. Well, they certainly ensure a lot of things, the no 1 of which is the predictability factor. Come to think of it: money - predicts buying potential, status – respect in society, and family – predicts culture, decorum and way of life, at least to a large extent.

So once the formula is seemingly met, and D-day whooshes by, the “good boy” and “good girl” settle into the hum and drum of daily life - the grind, and it leaves them well, literally grounded. Whatever happened to everyday life that was supposed to be more beautiful, dreamy, the chirping birds, flitting butterflies and sunny days? Well, the cloud of “role-playing” the husband or wife loomed over all of it!

Error 101. Formula ineffective. Why though? We completely disregarded the correction factor to include the influence of the reality of everyday life – the real look of the partner just out of bed sans make-up, their quirks despite their Ph.D degree, and your ability to love them with all of that!

“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior” Hab 3:17-18

The author of this verse, Habakkuk, was able to take joy in God though everything around him had fallen apart, but how? His provider, the One from whose hand all blessings flowed into His life, had chosen to withdraw His hand, by His own Sovereign will. Even then, Habakkuk was able to say “yet I will rejoice in the Lord”. It was only possible because he loved God for the person He is, God Himself, not for the “role” of Provider that God played in his life, or the tangible material things – the figs, grapes, olives, food, sheep, or cattle, all of which symbolized wealth, prosperity and status in those days, that He offered him.

And so it is with your spouse, your soul-mate. Do you think it would be possible for you to enjoy their companionship through a debilitating illness? Or rather, do you think you can enjoy being shut in with them 24x7, for months together during a pandemic!? Do you think you can just enjoy the moments of everyday life with them, with the drill, the bills, and no frills? Most importantly, do you think you can love them for who they are and not for what they offer you?

That, my friend, is not what is missing in the formula, but in fact, the formula itself I’d say, for a successful, and happy marriage.